


Sunlight and Shadows

by LookingToEscape



Category: Open Heart (Visual Novels)
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, M/M, Nostalgia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:01:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26844067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LookingToEscape/pseuds/LookingToEscape
Summary: A continuation from the end of Open Heart Second Year, chapter 9. Rafael has to break some bad news to MC (Matthew Valentine) when he is already dealing with a lot. Their relationship hadn't quite gone the way Matthew had wanted it to, but he still had a shred of hope. Oh, how things change.
Relationships: Rafael Aveiro/Main Character (Open Heart)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Sunlight and Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> I really want to like Open Heart Second Year, but honestly? The way chapter 11 might have ended before the re-write and the extremely obvious favouritism to Ethan Ramsey by the writers? It makes me sad. But that's a whole other can of worms...
> 
> I was disappointed (but not entirely surprised) that chapter 10 didn't pick up where chapter 9 left off and instead we had a time jump. So I tried to think of how it might have gone down when my current MC first heard the news that Rafael was leaving town. I know it's all a moot point now, but it was fun to write.

"I'm leaving town."

The words hit Matthew like a bullet, tearing right through him, leaving him breathless.

"L-leaving?" he stuttered.

"Yeah." Rafael looked regretful, and Matthew could see why he had tried to keep this news from him for now.

"But...why? Where are you going?" Matthew's voice was soft and hoarse, like it always was when he was upset. Rafael had heard his sad voice before, but knowing he was the direct cause cut him deep. Even though he deserved to feel bad. It was nothing less than he should have expected.

"I'm moving to Brazil," he said weakly. It was pointless to keep the full truth from Matthew now. The box had been opened.

"Brazil?!" Matthew's voice rose up a level and his big eyes widened. "That's so far away..." Matthew bit down on his lip, looking away from Rafael, only for his gaze to land on Kyra in her hospital bed connected to all kinds of tubes and machines, looking small and weak. He turned back to Rafael, his heart pounding in his chest.

"But...what about your family?"

Rafael swallowed. "I've talked about it with everyone. I'm going to stay with my cousin in Salvador and I'll be able to catch up with that side of the family. And my family in Boston are all for it."

"They're all for you just disappearing?!" Matthew asked sharply. He looked away again and drew in a deep breath. He was getting out of control. It was too much now. Maybe June had been right earlier. Maybe he _should_ take a sick day...

Rafael was looking hurt. "I'll miss them, obviously, and they'll miss me but...I've lived in the same neighbourhood my entire life. Maybe it's time for me to start fresh. And that's what they support. I'm not abandoning anyone."

"But...what about work?"

"I quit," Rafael said simply, and Matthew's jaw dropped in surprise. "Being suspended lead to me thinking about what would come next. I always knew I wouldn't be a paramedic forever and maybe this is how it's meant to go." He shrugged, calmly accepting.

"Oh geez..." Matthew let out a rush of breath, leaning heavily against the wall trying to wrap his head around the news.

It had been six or seven months since Sora had come back to Boston causing Rafael to question everything. Matthew's heart was broken and he was going through a very long and slow recovery process. He had distanced himself from Rafael at first, but when they had danced together at Boston T-Party Music Festival Matthew realised how much he had missed being Rafael's friend. With constant, stern reminders that Rafael was no longer his, Matthew slowly started to let him in again. But now, hearing that Rafael was moving to another country, Matthew realised how much he treasured the few minutes at a time when he could chat to Rafael in the hospital corridors. How he still got a little rush if Rafael hugged him or if they accidentally brushed against each other. Now Matthew was faced with the cold, harsh truth that he had still been hoping Rafael might still have feelings for him, might someday come back to him. How stupid Matthew had been. He really didn't have a chance.

"Hey..." Rafael looked concerned and took a step closer, reaching out towards him. "Matthew, come on, it'll be alr--"

"Don't." Matthew hastily stepped away, and Rafael flinched. Matthew took a deep breath to try and pull himself together and tried again. "I'm sorry Raf, I just...I need to be alone right now. I need to...process..." he looked into Rafael's eyes--warm, chocolate brown; he had once seen them sparkling so beautifully under the light of a street lamp--and his heart seemed to shatter all over again. ' _I've decided to be with Sora_ ' ' _I'm moving to Brazil_ '...Really, what difference did it make? "I need to be alone," Matthew repeated, his voice soft again.

Rafael nodded, sadness crossing his face. He stepped away from Matthew, outstretched hand falling to his side. Once upon a time Matthew had grabbed that hand like a lifeline and dragged Rafael into the on-call room where he had broken down in his arms. That had only been a year ago, though it felt like another life. Maybe even a dream.

Without another word, Matthew turned away and began walking as fast as he could to the locker room. A few people he vaguely knew were in there and cheerfully greeted him. Matthew might have mumbled something in their direction--he was only vaguely aware of his surroundings--as he grabbed his bag and jacket and headed straight for the exit.

He stopped short in the car park, having spotted three familiar figures up ahead. His roommates were leaving, bantering with each other warmly, apparently unaware of the complete shake-up that was going down. Not ready to engage in conversation, Matthew's steps faltered and he slowed down, allowing the distance between them to increase. When his friends turned in the direction of the subway, he turned the opposite direction.

His heart was still pounding and he felt shaky and light-headed. It was a little like how he felt after skydiving with everyone last year, except this time there was no security of a parachute and no solid ground to catch him safely. Or at all. He might as well be falling endlessly through nothingness.

As Matthew wandered down the street, a sign for Boston Common caught his eye and he headed for the park. His friends had come here a couple of times last summer to watch old movies, share picnics and try and relax after work. The first time he had gone, Rafael had been unable to join due to work. Eventually Matthew and Bryce had grown bored of the movie and snuck off to 'find an adventure' as Bryce had put it. Even though Matthew knew Rafael was at work, he couldn't help looking around the streets in the hope of bumping into him. Right place, right time.

Last summer had been possibly the best of his life. Moving to a new, scary but exciting city, starting his dream job, meeting his colleagues and finding a whole family in some of them. A handsome paramedic flying him above the city and its coastline as it was all washed in gold. Everything was more than Matthew could have ever dreamed. Only a year ago, but sometimes it felt like much longer. Other times it seemed like only yesterday.

This year should have been great; all his good friends nearby, the coveted position of junior fellow on the diagnostics team. He had grown a lot and come out of his shell since his first day, now he had more confidence in himself than ever before. And he was pleased with his success, but since the unexpected reappearance of Sora, shadows had been cast over his heart and mind.

A lump grew in his throat and his heart ache could have been a literal hole in his chest it hurt so much...but tears didn't come. He couldn't seem to manifest them anymore, even though the first few weeks after the break-up they hadn't seemed to stop. In some ways he preferred not being able to cry but now he wished he could. Anything to relieve the pain.

Matthew had tried to move on, really tried. His friends had encouraged him to go out as much as possible. He had thrown himself into his work more than ever before, to the point where Inez had worried that he was in danger of burning out. Hook-ups, dating apps, Bryce and Jackie being his wing man and woman, nothing really worked. Rafael was the only person Matthew had ever truly wanted to be with.

His phone buzzed against his leg and he dug it out of his pocket to find a text from Elijah: 'you about? We are ordering chinese, you in?' Matthew sighed and typed out a reply: 'Go ahead, but Im not very hungry'. He shoved his phone back into his pocket, ignoring the vibrations. He knew he had just thrown up a red flag. He had always been the type to lose his appetite when he was sad, and he hadn't eaten properly for several days after Rafael had chosen Sora. His weight had noticeably dropped, and ever since then his roommates had constantly checked what he was eating and how much he was eating. Sienna in particular would try and push him to second helpings as much as she could. It had been almost a little annoying at times...but it all came from a place of caring.

Not for the first time, Matthew thought about how lucky he had been to find his friends so soon. He had struggled to make lasting friendships in high school and hadn't kept in touch with many people from med school. At best he had hoped for some decent colleagues who could crack cases alongside him and enjoy a drink or two after work. On his first day alone, Bryce and Jackie had casually flirted with him, Jackie helped him revive his patient, Sienna intervened when Ramsey chewed him out, and Elijah had got got lost with him somewhere within the hospital. Before he knew it they were living together and their small garden-level apartment quickly became a cosy home. It was everything he needed, even now.

Matthew smiled a little as he recalled an evening at Donahue's from a few months back. He had had some drinks and said ' _I love you guys deeply. You've always got my back. I'd have lost my job without you all and I'm so grateful you're here and I don't tell you that enough_.' Bryce had ruffled his hair and laughed. ' _You tell us that every time we get drunk and sometimes when we're sober!_ '

Letting out a slow breath, Matthew leaned against a tree and looked towards the sky contemplatively. He had already got more than he ever bargained for when moving to Boston, and never in his wildest dreams could he have imagined meeting someone like Rafael. Surely it was enough to have all that even for only a short time than not at all? Not everything would last forever. Maybe his relationship with Rafael was only ever meant to be short and sweet.

As Matthew left the Common and started home he thought back on his previous conversation with Rafael with a twinge of regret. He hadn't meant to fly off the handle and had almost used Rafael's love for his family as a weapon against him. He hadn't meant to but he was sure it had come across that way. He had seen that Rafael had been genuinely stung by it.

Matthew didn't want that to be their last conversation and he definitely didn't want to be bitter. As he entered his apartment building dug his phone out of his pocket, unsurprised by the concerned messages from his friends. He leaned against the wall beside his front door and dialled, holding his breath while it rang...

"Hello?" Rafael's deep voice was breathless.

"Hey, Raf, it's me," said Matthew, relieved. He had half-expected Rafael to ignore his call.

"Matthew!"

"Hey. Listen...I want to apologise for blowing up at you earlier. And for what I said about you leaving your family. I shouldn't have said that, I know you'd never do it."

"That's OK, you were upset. I know it was a bad time..."

"Well, yeah, but you did try to warn me first..."

There was a pause. Then Rafael said, "Well, I hate to say I told you so but...told you so?"

They both laughed. The tension left Matthew's shoulders.

"When do you fly out?" he asked.

"Erm...end of next week," Rafael said, and Matthew winced. So soon. "Hey Matthew, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"When you moved to Boston...you'd never left Colorado, right? I know you'd moved within the state but this was the furthest you've gone?"

"That's right." Matthew frowned. "Are you nervous?"

"...A bit."

"Well, that's to be expected. I was nervous about moving to a different state but you're moving to another country. That's much further than I've ever gone."

Rafael chuckled. "True, but...well, how did you deal with it?"

Matthew thought for a minute. "First of all, don't bottle up the nerves or you'll become a time bomb." Matthew remembered a few weeks before he moved to Boston, he had pretended he was perfectly fine and then his uncle had casually wished him luck in the big city and he had suddenly broken down. "Make sure you talk through it with someone, you'll be surprised at how much it clears your head.

"But also...I knew this was the right decision for me, no matter what. I wanted to be a doctor and that meant going somewhere that would give me the best guidance and training I could get. And I had been inspired by Ramsey and studied his research the most extensively and so that meant applying to Edenbrook." He shrugged.

There was a pause on the other end of the line as Rafael considered this. "So, what you're saying is, you had a goal and moving to Boston was the best way to achieve it? Like, a means to an end?"

"That's right."

"Oh. I just wish I had a clear set career goal like you do," Raf admitted with a nervous laugh.

_Stay in Boston and train to be an OT like you once told me you were thinking of doing_ Matthew thought suddenly. But he refused to say it. This was not about him. "Think of it as a means to an end to finding your dream job?" he suggested instead. "You might step off the plane and walk right into it for all we know." Rafael laughed again, and Matthew smiled wistfully. It was good to hear him laughing.

"Thanks Matthew. That does help."

"Good. And listen, Raf? If you think it's all gone wrong, if you need an escape, if you need anything...you'll always have a place to stay with me." He swallowed, the lump coming back into his throat. "I promise. The couch has your name on it."

"Thank you, Matthew," Rafael said fervently. "And the same goes for you. You will always be welcome to visit."

Matthew smiled sadly. "That would be great. But you know what my life is like. I don't have much time for vacation so don't hold your breath too tightly. I won't be happy if I hear you've suffocated." This time when Rafael laughed Matthew joined in.

"I'm...I'm really happy I met you, Matthew," Rafael said. His voice was hesitant, like he wasn't sure if he should say it.

"I'm really happy I met you too," Matthew replied, his voice soft but tender and earnest. _Happier than you'll ever know_ he added silently. Out of nowhere, a tear suddenly welled in his eye and fell down his cheek.

"I'll be back to Edenbrook at least once before I go. I'll see you then?"

"Sure," Matthew said with a resigned smile. "See you around, Raf."

They ended the call.

Matthew sagged against the wall, a few more tears making their way down his face. It felt oddly nice to cry again. And even though it hurt he was glad to have made the call. Rafael had made him so happy, how could he want anything less for him in return? If that meant Rafael leaving Boston to fly to Brazil...so be it. Before his place at Edenbrook had been confirmed, Matthew would sometimes work himself into a state of anxiety worrying about what he would do if he was rejected and stuck in that small town. If Rafael was now feeling that way about Boston, Matthew could not--would not--hold him in bad faith.

Matthew straightened up and wiped his tears, taking a calming breath before he faced his roommates. He would let them take care of him, and then he would go into work and focus on his patients and do what he came to Boston to do: become the best doctor he could be. Meanwhile Rafael would go to Brazil and live and be happy. And maybe the sunlight would return when Matthew met someone new.


End file.
